Trump Memorandum to the United States Supreme Court

Subject:  Counting Votes Against Me is a Total and Complete Fraud

Date: November 6, 2020

RE:  Donald J Trump and Michael Pence VS Counting Votes In Pennsylvania, Wisconsin, Michigan and Georgia (but not in Nevada and Arizona, please)

To My Supreme Court:

As you know, it's easy to win (we're always winning, winning, winning), but it's very hard for me to lose; so all Democrat votes that might make me lose, after I was already ahead by such a great number of votes, should be thrown out and are the greatest fraud ever against the American people.  Plus, I told everyone we already won and Melania has ordered her inaugural ball gown (you should see it), and the invitations have gone to the printers so the counting has to STOP!  They should never have been counted after I was in the lead.  I was like way ahead, but can you believe it, they didn't stop counting?  What happened? All these votes magically appeared at 5am.  They found all these votes. Wisconsin....I don't know.  Nobody knows where they came from.  It's like the testing.  I told them, I said, stop testing and the China Virus will go away, it will just disappear.  I looked at the numbers in Pennsylvania and I said, Wow, Wow that's a lot, because when you add in North Carolina which--and there's a lot of life in Georgia and people who love their president.  So you know we have to stop it.

Free and fair elections, they say. It's so unfair to me.  Because there's counting.  They're basically unfair, like the Russia witch hunt and the fake nyews.   And the counting.  So much counting. They go on and on and on.  The Biden fraud, this is them:  They count everything. They got toilet paper stuck to their shoe, that's a ballot.  Hey, there's something on that one.  That's for Biden.  Count it.  It's true. Totally happened in Philadelphia.  Truckloads of Democrat toilet paper ballots.  There's no way I didn't win. So this is what you do.  You go One Two Three Four-- and you know what comes next (even my people know what comes next.  I love my people)  So you don't have to keep counting.  It's enough counting.  So you stop it. And we won as far as I'm concerned.  Did you know we won Texas and O-Hi-O by 8.1 points. Great victories and everybody said, they have to call it for you, Mr. President; you won everybody said; but what happened to the election?  They stopped the election and kept counting--finding Democrat votes.  That's what somebody said. They can't catch up; how can they catch up?  Impossible, so stop the counting.  I said, my judges will stop the counting.

They knew they couldn't win so they said, "Let's go to court", I predicted it, so I am taking them to your very amazing supreme courtroom to throw out all the illegal fraudulent Biden votes.

P.S.  Remember that I appointed three of you.

P.P.S. to Amy (this is another perfect memo; hint hint)

Sincerely,

The Man from Ambivalence (paid for by the Skip Flincher for President campaign)

  

(Tense gloomy music plays) Born to an existential philosopher and circus palm reader in a little town called Ambivalence, Texas, Skip Flincher learned early on that nothing in this world is certain.  Though his mother left town with a trapeze star and his father jumped to his death from the Ambivalence Bridge shortly thereafter, Skip would overcome childhood tragedy and turn his uncertain world into a political world view that would one day almost transform his community and the entire state of Texas.   Whether it was proposing tough gun regulations in the state house and then casting the deciding vote against them, or running on a progressive platform only to disavow it the day before an election, Skip Flincher has lived his life on the principle of what he calls his 'Then again, maybe I won't' vision for America.  (Music becomes more ambiguously hopeful) Now, he wants to do for America what he almost did for Texas:  Maybecare for all, quasi criminal justice reform, creating a choose-your-own-ending immigration policy, a greenish new deal, a semi-living wage, supporting a woman's right to agonize about choosing, getting dark money out of politics to a certain extent, moderately rebuilding infrastructure, and supreme court coin flips on close and controversial decisions.   The man from a little town called Ambivalence doesn't want to solve our most difficult problems, he wants to revel in the impossibility of solving them, and he thinks (but he's not sure) the world may be a better place without solutions.

(Homespun country music plays)  Cut to tobacco spitting Ambivalence High School baseball Coach Judd Tyler:  Why I remember one year when Skip's son Jesse was on the state championship team.  There was Skip in the stands, cheering like mad for the other team when his son struck out to end the game.  (short clip of son walking away dejected and teary eyed as his father celebrates in the stands).  Heather Flincher:  It was a real tough lessen for Jesse that day, learnin' that something impossible and unthinkable, like your own daddy rooting against you, could happen. (Symphonic music with proud feeling and serious import plays).  You know, learning that life was just a lot of horrible uncertain and unexpected events happening over and over again.  But Skip's a man of principle, and he believes in uncertainty and that's why he'll probably make an okay President.  And you know Jesse got over it, eventually, and has grown up to be a terrific young man and one of his dad's biggest supporters: (camera catches Jesse violently shredding  and stomping on something.  He turns, looking guilty and surprised, then smiles, holds up on one of his father's Skip It! posters and gives a big thumbs up).

While some politicians continue to make promises they can't keep, and others have visions for a better America that will never be, Skip Flincher is the man who believes he isn't so sure America wants a better future.  (Inspirational coda plays) Cut to Skip at a lectern speaking at a rally:  "For it is the daily uncertainty and terror of the unknown that is the engine of innovation and entrepreneurship,  the next big cure, the next big cure for cancer that fails but turns out to cure male pattern baldness instead, yes, this could be the time we might make the world and our over-rated country a less terrible place to live"

I'm Skip Flincher and I am definitely going to regret this message.

BERNIE BASH Coming Soon to Xbox 360

Get ready for Political Action!  Chase the old Jewish Socialist Democrat all over the Electoral Map and see if you can earn your Moderate Bona Fides while attempting to bring Crazy Bernie down.  Earn points for learning the liberal media talking points in Pundit Land "How is he going to pay for that", "Trump is licking his chops", "Medicare for All will never pass."  "He'll kill the down ballot", "He's a Castro fan boy", "He's unelectable", then take your bonus pundit points buy the weapon of your choice (but only the one you can afford)--Pete's Pea Shooter,  Klobuchar's Klub, Warren's Woman Wand, Joe's Javelin, Blumberg's Bazooka, Steyer's Stun Gun, Moderator's Machete, or Media Mega Mace--and take aim during Democratic Demolition Debate night.  Blood, Bleating and Blather rules as the also rans take turns bludgeoning the front runner.  Guaranteed to make Crazy Bernie unelectable and unrecognizable.  Then go participate in your state's Carcass Caucus or vote in a primary.  Just think of any mainstream position--I love Israel, rejoin the Paris Accord, we'll never be a socialist country, let's just fix Obamacare, anything including the words bi-partisan support, I want to keep my junk insurance, I believe in markets--and presto the magic ballot will choose the safest candidate.  Finally, you'll wake up as a delegate at the Democratic National Convention in Milwaukee, where Bernie will be drawn, quartered and immolated by Tom Perez and the DNC with state of the art HD graphics.  On the final night, use your remaining points to create a CGI dream candidate of incremental change (well, the one you can afford). Combine your favorite celeb with your candidate of choice and come up with a President-to-be only an American Idol could love.  Can your CGI candidate win in November?   

Disclaimer: 

Bernie Bash contains violence not suitable for under age gamers; must be over 18 to play; those convicted of a crime, not in possession of a voter ID card, or currently on a voter purge list in Wisconsin, Florida or Georgia prohibited. Game may be rigged. You can play but you cannot win.