(Tense gloomy music plays) Born to an existential philosopher and circus palm reader in a little town called Ambivalence, Texas, Skip Flincher learned early on that nothing in this world is certain. Though his mother left town with a trapeze star and his father jumped to his death from the Ambivalence Bridge shortly thereafter, Skip would overcome childhood tragedy and turn his uncertain world into a political world view that would one day almost transform his community and the entire state of Texas. Whether it was proposing tough gun regulations in the state house and then casting the deciding vote against them, or running on a progressive platform only to disavow it the day before an election, Skip Flincher has lived his life on the principle of what he calls his 'Then again, maybe I won't' vision for America. (Music becomes more ambiguously hopeful) Now, he wants to do for America what he almost did for Texas: Maybecare for all, quasi criminal justice reform, creating a choose-your-own-ending immigration policy, a greenish new deal, a semi-living wage, supporting a woman's right to agonize about choosing, getting dark money out of politics to a certain extent, moderately rebuilding infrastructure, and supreme court coin flips on close and controversial decisions. The man from a little town called Ambivalence doesn't want to solve our most difficult problems, he wants to revel in the impossibility of solving them, and he thinks (but he's not sure) the world may be a better place without solutions.
(Homespun country music plays) Cut to tobacco spitting Ambivalence High School baseball Coach Judd Tyler: Why I remember one year when Skip's son Jesse was on the state championship team. There was Skip in the stands, cheering like mad for the other team when his son struck out to end the game. (short clip of son walking away dejected and teary eyed as his father celebrates in the stands). Heather Flincher: It was a real tough lessen for Jesse that day, learnin' that something impossible and unthinkable, like your own daddy rooting against you, could happen. (Symphonic music with proud feeling and serious import plays). You know, learning that life was just a lot of horrible uncertain and unexpected events happening over and over again. But Skip's a man of principle, and he believes in uncertainty and that's why he'll probably make an okay President. And you know Jesse got over it, eventually, and has grown up to be a terrific young man and one of his dad's biggest supporters: (camera catches Jesse violently shredding and stomping on something. He turns, looking guilty and surprised, then smiles, holds up on one of his father's Skip It! posters and gives a big thumbs up).
While some politicians continue to make promises they can't keep, and others have visions for a better America that will never be, Skip Flincher is the man who believes he isn't so sure America wants a better future. (Inspirational coda plays) Cut to Skip at a lectern speaking at a rally: "For it is the daily uncertainty and terror of the unknown that is the engine of innovation and entrepreneurship, the next big cure, the next big cure for cancer that fails but turns out to cure male pattern baldness instead, yes, this could be the time we might make the world and our over-rated country a less terrible place to live"
I'm Skip Flincher and I am definitely going to regret this message.
